What people with partners have said to me as a single person
One of the last bastions of blatant discrimination--where it is totally acceptable to say totally inappropriate stuff (e.g. single people are not a protected class) is that of partnered people (particularly partnered people with children) disrespecting single people. Here are some of the comments I've heard as a single person about my singleness (and childfree status).
"If you had children, you would recogize that your issue is not that important. It would put it in perspective." ( This happened in the last year. I was having an issue at work. The person who said this had this same issue 6 months later. I SO wanted to throw this back in her face, but I didn't. She has a husband and children).
"What is wrong with you?" (being unpaired and childfree).
"Of course, [my name] can work overtime. She doesn't have a family." (Did it ever occur to you that I have no time to form relationships when I'm always working overtime and covering for you who have sick kids, sick partners, school plays, Lamaze classes etc).
"I guess you don't like kids." ( On the contrary. I am finding lately that they have more sense than many of the adults I've talked to. Certainly, a kid wouldn't be stupid enough to say what you just said.)
" I guess you don't really like people." (What? Where did that come from? Ted Bundy didn't really like people. He had a partner. BTK didn't like people. He had a wife.)
"If you wore more make-up you could get a man." (And if you kept your comments to yourself, I'd actually consider you intelligent...Besides, I don't want a man who likes a lot of make-up on his partner.)
Twenty-two percent of women academics never partner. I read that somewhere. We can't all be socially inept. I think the lifestyle doesn't lend itself to being partnered, personally.
Here's what I want to say to all those people who seem compelled to comment on my singleness. Shut up. I don't go around telling you what a boor I think your partner is and how you must have been crazy to choose him or her. I don't ask, "Are you afraid to be alone? Is that why you'd rather be with this loser than to be happy alone without him or her dragging you down?" I don't ask, "Why are you partnered? What is wrong with you?" I don't even talk about zero population growth and how I'm doing my part to keep the population in check.
Show me the same respect.
"If you had children, you would recogize that your issue is not that important. It would put it in perspective." ( This happened in the last year. I was having an issue at work. The person who said this had this same issue 6 months later. I SO wanted to throw this back in her face, but I didn't. She has a husband and children).
"What is wrong with you?" (being unpaired and childfree).
"Of course, [my name] can work overtime. She doesn't have a family." (Did it ever occur to you that I have no time to form relationships when I'm always working overtime and covering for you who have sick kids, sick partners, school plays, Lamaze classes etc).
"I guess you don't like kids." ( On the contrary. I am finding lately that they have more sense than many of the adults I've talked to. Certainly, a kid wouldn't be stupid enough to say what you just said.)
" I guess you don't really like people." (What? Where did that come from? Ted Bundy didn't really like people. He had a partner. BTK didn't like people. He had a wife.)
"If you wore more make-up you could get a man." (And if you kept your comments to yourself, I'd actually consider you intelligent...Besides, I don't want a man who likes a lot of make-up on his partner.)
Twenty-two percent of women academics never partner. I read that somewhere. We can't all be socially inept. I think the lifestyle doesn't lend itself to being partnered, personally.
Here's what I want to say to all those people who seem compelled to comment on my singleness. Shut up. I don't go around telling you what a boor I think your partner is and how you must have been crazy to choose him or her. I don't ask, "Are you afraid to be alone? Is that why you'd rather be with this loser than to be happy alone without him or her dragging you down?" I don't ask, "Why are you partnered? What is wrong with you?" I don't even talk about zero population growth and how I'm doing my part to keep the population in check.
Show me the same respect.
posted by basil @ 8:34 PM
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